I feel like my generation is lacking the concept of commitment.

For the past couple of months I've been trying to figure out what I want to get involved in next year, whether that be a position in student council, AMSA, being a class representative, leading the group of believers next year, or just focusing on classes. There's a lot that I want to do, and could see myself doing a good job in, but I really don't want to sign myself up for something that I'm not willing to commit to 100%. I see and hear too many people talking about their passion and their vision for a project or group or for the school, and then when the time comes for action. not really acting on those promises or ideals that they so readily proclaim when we're all sitting in the classroom between lessons, lazily waiting to be fed information. It's too easy to get caught up in day to day lives, preserving our comfort and making life as easy as possible rather than acting on the commitments we've made.

I'll admit it, I'm an idealist, a characteristic that has definitely been reinforced by the obscene number of movies that I've been watching lately (I think I've watched more movies in this last semester than I have in the rest of my life combined, but that's a story for another time). It seems like the main theme that runs through the most recent ones has been this level of commitment to a cause which is absolutely extraordinary, at least when contrasted with the commitment I see in 99% of the population today.

The one movie that stands out the most to me is Kingdom of Heaven. I got it a while ago but didn't really have that much of a desire to watch it until I had listened to the soundtrack a few times through while studying. I thought that it would be a good movie to watch after I finished up with most of my finals and wanted to be completely brain dead for a day or so before I had to hit the books again. It's got that epic feel to it, but I didn't expect too much from it, just a few good battle scenes, a little bit of dialog, and possibly a deeper meaning somewhere buried under the slashing sword fights that I could look back on later and muse about when I had more time. I started watching it after my Cell and Molecular Biology final, but only got about half way through because Keiko wanted to watch a movie with me and wasn't in the mood for an epic. So, I put the second half of it on my little computer and took it to school with me for a good late night study break.

Anyway, the story is basically about this man, Balian who finds out that he is the son of one of the more powerful knights in the Crusades who is also the Baron of Ibelin. Balian's wife had died from suicide after their son died at birth, and after being told he really was not wanted in the village any more by his brother, whom he killed out of grief and rage, he left to join his father in the kingdom of Jerusalem. On the way there, his father was injured by a group of men who had come after Balian to take him back to his town where he would be punished for his brother's murder. Balian, his father, and a few other men in their group escaped and made it to the Italian coast where they would be able to get on a ship for the kingdom of Jerusalem. However, before they are able to leave, Balian's father dies of infection from the wound he had suffered. Just before he dies, he calls in Balian, knights him, and makes him the new baron of Ibelin. The oath taken to become a knight was one of the things that stood out to me the most. "Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Be brave and upright that God may love thee. Speak the truth always, even if it leads to your death. Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong." The thing is, these weren't just words to Balian. Throughout the rest of the movie, even when he was under extreme pressure to compromise in order to preserve himself or to make the king happy, he really lived out the oath which he had sworn. For him, Jerusalem was to be a "kingdom of conscience" or no kingdom. The other part of the movie that really stood out to me was when Balian, after the new king of Jerusalem had been captured, the majority of the army killed, and the city was about to be attacked, knighted every man capable of fighting. When asked if knighting a man would make him a better fighter, he sternly answered "YES" (I'll admit, I was watching that part really late at night in the middle of a study break, and in a peak of emotional-ness definitely had a few tears fall.) He could have just given a stirring speech--which he did--and left it at that, but he realized that people who believe in themselves and feel respected by those above them will fight more courageously than those who are fighting just because they have to.

Anyway, the kind of commitment that Balian had to the oath he had taken, the principles which he claimed to value, is something that I wish I saw more often. More than that, he really lived out this oath. That meant that he went out of his way to defend the helpless, even when there was a high likelihood of dying by doing so. He came from a rather humble, poor background, but didn't ever use that as an excuse and never abused his new position of power. Muslim, Jew, Christian...it didn't matter to him; he saw people as people, and protecting people meant more than protecting (or fighting for) land.

I think that part of the problem today is that we don't really know what we believe in, what values we hold, what we stand for. We don't really have a sense of a calling or commission. We might have a vague idea, but not something that we've ever really put into words, definitely not something which we would swear to uphold at the risk of our lives. And what if we did, would we have the courage to actually live it out? I don't know.

There's a bunch of other stuff with the movie that I've been thinking about a lot, but I'm definitely not at a place in processing all of it that I can really explain well yet. I can say, though, that I think we, as Christians, are a lot like Balian. We come from meager backgrounds, but we have a very important Father. Once we accept that, we have a choice, either stay in our lives as we know them, or follow our Father, in our new identity. With that identity, however, there's a commitment to something more...to holiness. We're able to fight impossible battles because that identity and commitment means more to us than our own lives.

That's just a start...like i said, I haven't processed it all yet. I suggest you watch it for yourself though. Get the directors cut...the theatrical one leaves out some very important parts. Enjoy!!